The Last Blog of Highschool

     Many of my past blogs have been, admittedly, just to get the assignment done in a rushed and sloppy ADHD-driven stream of  ""consciousness""-- just like much of my work in general over the past years. Already that first sentence is a run-on, but I think I just talk in incessant run-on sentences at all times; learning to fill the silent gaps in a class discussion, the last words in a 1000 word count essay, and tired conversations of school-related complaining between friends. Anyways it is 12:40 PM instead of AM, so hopefully, this final blog of high school turns out alright. 

    Truthfully, I've had a gradual decline in interest in the actual content of my education since maybe sophomore year. And I don't think World History tests are what we are meant to talk about here anyway. I really do like learning but pretty selectively, and at my own pace which is exactly what Troy High has not been able to offer. I don't mean for this reflection to be pessimistic but my senior year has sort of devolved into an unending critique of how our general education system fails to not only have student's interests at heart but serves us mediocre American standardized curriculum. Let me not become the Joker here and move into something a little more personal and unique to my experience.

    One thing Troy high has given me is the opportunity to grow into myself and realize my placement in spaces. From teachers, I've been ignored (in good and bad ways), put on a pedestal, criticized, and tokenized. Some of this is caused by a teacher's personality and the way they are with all students which I kind of value because I can blend in- maybe slack off. Some of it has most certainly been because I am hijabi and an outspoken one at that. Throughout my life, educators (including religious ones) have told me that diversity, inclusion, and educating the ignorant is how we achieve community and peace. But over the past few years, those same sentiments have revealed a cosmetic intention to me that I cannot shake. Students are much less likely to be disingenuous in this, but something has become very unsettling to me about being a 'spokesperson' and answering questions about the hijab, Islam, and more to teachers who have had Muslim students for years and years. I also have very strong political convictions, and when I voice them specifically I get questioned until it's dumbed down and then added to the list of 'perspectives' like a file the teachers must keep in mind as to not offend anyone in this new age of political correctness. And I know it is not just me but other people who may be the only ones in the room: Black students, queer/trans students, Indigenous students are used as academic pawns all the time, having to interject to make sure the truth is told. No one really has to do this but I'm annoying so getting my point in is important. I just didn't realize when I was first delving into learning about society that this is what I would be getting into and that my identity or appearance would hold such a weight on my words. 

    This realization was good for me though. Now I know when, by the innocent mistake of a peer or authority, I am the one educating, which ones are learning who I am and which ones are just 'respecting' the idea.  I don't really want to work for an academic institution for yet another four-plus years, but at the very least I know the future of my education may hold opportunities to serve people in a less superficial way. I feel like a whole person as I'm coming to an end in my public education era, with full sight of what has happened to me before and is happening now. Admittedly, I have no idea who I will be next year and what will happen but so far it's gone only uphill personal growth-wise so I'm hoping that trend continues. As for academics, let's just say I'm planning on the positive trend to start in the fall hahahah.

*** one more thing: I know for certain I will not become President after all this (or hold any office for that matter) like my gimmees nomination may imply. BTW if one of you happened to nominate me we have beef, anyone who knows me knows that I would throw a shoe at literally every given president of this country, including the current one if graciously given the opportunity. I'm sorry but there is no way I intend to be the first hijabi girl boss president of this satanic empire LOL